Sunday, March 05, 2006

Fun with Dick and Quail

I’ve decided to have a little fun, and have come up with a classification scheme for our favourite conservatives.

A Dick is well …. a dick. A dick is a leader, never a follower. He is smart, tenacious, focused, rich, dirty, nasty and mean spirited. He takes great delight in shooting at small defenceless upland game birds, octogenarian lawyers, liberal senators, journalists, foreign leaders, and Vietnam veterans. A dick however is usually smart enough to have other people (quail) do the dirty work or take the fall for him.

A quail longs to be a dick, but generally lacks either the brains or the tenacity. When attacked, quail depend on stealth, but when flushed, they are easy targets for dicks with guns. Quail however are often lucky; occasionally an octogenarian lawyer will graciously step into the line of fire allowing the quail to escape unharmed.

Some Notable Dick and Quail

Dick Cheney
Need you ask? Dick is the archetype dick, the US Alpha Dick. He is simultaneously the head dick and a dick head.


Goerge W. Bush
This may surprise some, but he is really a quail masquerading as a dick. He is not smart enough to be a dick on his own, but it is convenient for the Alpha Dick to have a bird brain in the lime light.


Stephen Harper
A marvel of evolution (which he doesn’t believe in), but he has evolved from a BBQ circuit quail, where he was nearly stuffed and roasted to head dick in charge in a remarkably short period of time.


Ralph Klein
Able to take down a 17 year old page with the flick of his wrist, willing to toss thousands off the welfare rolls, throws spare change and homeless and tells them to get a job. In Canada, Ralph is the Alpha Dick.


Peter MacKay
In Peter we see the typical behaviour of a wounded quail as he sulks off to the family covey when injured.

Tory Blue Quail

Gordon Campbell
While Gordo emulates and aspires to Ralph’s stature, he is neither smart enough or mean enough to rise above his quailness. A true dick would have got someone else to take the blood alcohol test for him – or at least found a way to delay the police having access to the scene for 16 hours or so. A true dick would never have blinked in his war with BC teachers and hospital support employees.

Dan Quayle

David Emerson
A newly minted convervative, the jury is out on Emo. While his crossing the floor and flipping the bird to his constituents clearly demonstrates dick qualities, there is a certain lameness about the way in which it has been handled that leads me to believe that when the covey flushes Emo will be on the wrong end of the shotgun.

Dick? Quail? You make the call.

Bill O'Reilly
Now I know what you are thinking, but his pathetic whining about Keith Olberman puts Bill in the Quail zone.

Bob White Quail

Bernard Shapiro
Ethics Commisioner made the mistake of stepping in front of a loaded dick.

Sorry Ass Lawyer


Kyle said...

Hilarious post! Keep up the good work. Remember, not all of us Americans like the current administration!

CoteGauche said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
williebee said...

Right On. That was so funny..made my Sunday. Keep up the good blogs.

EX-NDIP said...

Hey Don . . . would you rather go hunting with Dick Cheney or driving with Teddy Kennedy?

You could check up on Cretien and Martin . . . maybe you could tell us where they have gone with our money!!!!!

CoteGauche said...


I think I have already seen that on bumper stickers. Chappaquiddick was in July 1969 - 2 days before the Apollo 11 moon landing.

Be original, be current.


Cerberus said...

Very very funny. What about Rummie or Rice? What about Flaherty or Kenney? Give us more, I say! Make it a regular Friday funny feature! There is no end to the content sources.